Bitter People Hurt People

You may have heard it said of someone with a serious heart condition, that they are a ticking time bomb. Similarly, there are spiritual conditions of the heart that if not treated, can manifest themselves in explosive and detrimental ways. One of those diseases of the heart is called bitterness.

Bitterness is described in Hebrews 12:15 as a root. The author of Hebrews writes: “See to it that no one fails to obtain the grace of God; that no "root of bitterness" springs up and causes trouble, and by it many become defiled.” What must happen first before a root begins to grow? A seed must be planted. The seed of bitterness is a hurt. When the hurts, wounds, or pains in our hearts are not healed by the grace of God, they can turn into bitterness. There's a difference between the root and the fruit. Although one can more readily identify the fruits of bitterness, it’s not as easy to detect the root of bitterness.

The Source of Bitterness: Wounded by Friends
While David was still on the run from King Saul, beginning in 1 Samuel 30:3-6a we read: "And when David and his men came to the city, they found it burned with fire, and their wives and sons and daughters taken captive. Then David and the people who were with him raised their voices and wept until they had no more strength to weep. David’s two wives also had been taken captive, Ahinoam of Jezreel and Abigail the widow of Nabal of Carmel. And David was greatly distressed, for the people spoke of stoning him, because all the people were bitter in soul, each for his sons and daughters."

If you have love in your heart for people, you will grieve their loss. Grief is the cost of love. In fact, we grieve the most for those we love the most. Grief is a part of life that we must all learn to process by the grace of God. And the grace of God helps us not to get over it but to get through it.

Although grief is a normal part of life, if we are not careful, it can turn into bitterness. We clearly see this happen in this account of the life of David. David, who was running from Saul, had taken refuge among the Philistines, along with 600 of his loyal men and their families. While David was living among the Philistines, they went to battle against Israel and David and his men went with them. On the way to fight against Israel, the Philistines decided they couldn’t trust David. So they sent David and his men back home. And on the way back, they found that their village had been invaded by the Amalekites, who burned it down and also took the women and children captive.

Now when David and his men discovered that their wives and children were taken captive, they wept until they had no more strength to weep. Grief is a normal response to a situation like this. But if we are not careful, our grief can turned into bitterness. And a bitter heart sometimes looks for someone to blame for the hurt. This is what happened to David’s men.

Moreover, when their grief turned to bitterness they not only blamed David, but they wanted to stone him. This helps us to define and describe what bitterness is. Bitterness is a condition of the heart that harbors hostility, ill will, or resentment. According to Hebrews 12:15, when bitterness springs up in you, it will not only trouble you, but it can defile those around you. It's been said, "misery loves company." But it is also true that although pain is inevitable, misery is optional.

In our pain, the enemy wants us to turn against those around us, but God desires that we turn to Him. God allows painful circumstances to make us better; the devil wants to make us bitter.

The Signs of Bitterness: Unwillingness to Forgive
Do you suffer from a root of bitterness? Remember that a root is underground. It’s hard to detect the root of bitterness, which we can easily justify and rationalize. But we can more readily identify the fruit of bitterness. To help us do so, below you will find ten symptoms of bitterness, which one Pastor identified, that can help us to detect a root of bitterness in our hearts.

When a person who has offended, criticized, or hurt you in some way walks into a room, how do you respond?
  • Do negative feelings immediately overcome you causing you to put on a hypocritical happy face?
  • Do you intentionally turn away to ignore and avoid him or her?
  • Does the mere mention of his or her name leave a “bitter taste in your mouth?”
  • Does thinking about him or her “make you sick”–give you a bitter stomach?
  • Do you have a similar negative reaction when you just hear his or her name mentioned?
  • Do you resent his or her success–hearing any good report about him or her?
  • Do you secretly desire misfortune or failure–or worse–to come his or her way?
  • Does the person who offended or hurt you come to mind often?
  • Do you mentally argue with them–i.e. dream or daydream about “putting him or her in their place?”
  • Do you feel the need or do you see a tendency to talk to others about the failures or shortcomings of those who have hurt or offended you?

If you have any of these symptoms, perhaps a root of bitterness has sprung up in your heart and needs be eradicated! It’s been said, bitterness is the poison you drink expecting someone else to die. As we noted already, David's loyal supporters experienced deep grief, which turned into bitterness. Bitterness, which starts off as a seed of a hurt, looks for someone to blame.
David’s men not only blamed their leader, they also became hostile toward him. David on the other hand, in his grief didn’t turn against his men. Instead he turned to God and strengthened himself before His transforming presence (v.6).

The Solution to Bitterness: Worship the Father
In his great grief and distress, David turned away from His circumstances and turned His face to God. "But David strengthened himself in the Lord his God.” (1 Samuel 30:6b) This means that David got his eyes back on God. As He sought the Lord, he began to see God again as he had in earlier days. When David faltered in his faith, he allowed his circumstances to obstruct his view of God. He was at His best when He viewed His circumstance through the lens of God’s greatness and steadfast love. In his book, The Making of a Man of God, Alan Redpath noted: "First [David] was looking at his enemies and these supposed friends of his, but now he sees them through God. If you begin with God, your enemies grow small. If you begin with your enemy, you may never reach God. If you begin with God, the problems begin to dwindle; if you begin with the problems, you never get through to God.”

The reason David was so mightily used by God wasn’t because he never had moments when he was down or disobedient. David was a flawed man. David was greatly used by God because whether in good times or in bad times, whether he was feeling blue or joyful, whether the circumstances looked favorable or unfavorable, David, the sweet psalmist of Israel, typically sought the heart and mind of God. (Psalm 63:1-3)

What David thought was his worst nightmare, God used to bring him back to where he needed to be, namely, enjoying close fellowship with God. David was at the end of his rope, but rather than turning on others, he turned to God and strengthened himself in the Lord. (Psalm 18:1-5)

Life is hard sometimes. And we will become bitter if we lose sight of God and cease to daily avail ourselves of His restoring grace. Because David was restored by the grace of God in the presence of God, he arose from his time with God as an instrument, not of revenge, but of restoration. Later he became an advocate for his men who were turning on each-other (v.23).

What is a vital sign that you have been restored by the grace and forgiveness of the Lord? When you’ve been restored by God’s grace, you will be quick to extend grace and forgiveness to others (Ephesians 4:31-32). I’m not suggesting that a believer will always find it easy to forgive. Depending on the offense, extending forgiveness can be very challenging at times. However, when you have experienced the transforming grace of God, but you’re finding it hard to forgive, you will be willing to be made willing.

In Don Whitney’s book, Ten Questions to Diagnose your Spiritual Health, in the chapter where he asked the diagnostic question, "Are you a quicker forgiver?," he writes, “The testimony of Martyn Lloyd Jones should be the heart cry of every Christian: ‘I say to the glory of God and in utter humility that whenever I see myself before God and realize even something of what my blessed Lord has done for me, I am ready to forgive anybody anything.’ Notice the phrase, ‘I am ready to forgive anybody anything.’ Many do not understand the difference between being ready to forgive and actually extending or expressing forgiveness...Perhaps it will help to think of forgiveness as consisting of two parts, inward forgiveness and outward forgiveness or forgiveness with the heart and forgiveness with the mouth. Inward heart forgiveness is always required of the Christian. But the Bible does not demand outward verbal forgiveness unless the one who sins against us seeks our forgiveness. When someone sins against a Christian there are two parties involved and both have a responsibility to resolve the matter. The role of the Christian is to be ready to forgive and to act in such a way that demonstrates his readiness.”

As David turned his face to the Lord he began to seek God’s word and will for his life again, he was going back to God’s word so that he would once again be led by God and not his feelings. And by seeking the Lord again, David was not only restored by God’s grace, he also became an instrument of restoration. As a result, David and his men, with the help of God, took back what the enemy had stolen. What a powerful means of grace it is when those closest to us are close to Jesus.

Are you walking by faith or being led by your feelings? Are you taking God at His word and obeying Him regardless of the circumstances or are you allowing your emotions to lead you astray and into positions of compromise? Beloved, don’t ever make decisions in life when you’re seething with anger, deeply discouraged, or filled with bitterness. Get alone with God first. Worship Him in prayer and in the word. Get close to people who are close to Jesus. He will restore you and lead you in the path that you should go.

Where are you today? Are you in a compromising relationship? Are you seeking security through compromise? Are you in a place where you feel wounded—wounded because of your own sin or the sins of others or because of circumstances beyond your control? Perhaps you’re passed feeling wounded and have allowed your heart to become bitter, resentful and hostile because of something or someone. As a result, you’re not only robbing yourself of God’s best for your life, but you’re hurting those around you. God can bring you out of that miserable pit. He can turn your sadness into gladness, He can turn your hurt into hope, He can turn your bitterness into blessedness. And he will do so if you turn to Him in repentance and seek His restoring grace in Christ.

Give God your brokenness and bitterness. Ask Him to heal your wounds in His love, forgive your compromises, and eradicate the poison of bitterness by expressing to Him your readiness to forgive; as God for Christ's sake has forgiven you. If you’re struggling with being willing to forgive, in view of the cross of Jesus and God’s constant willingness and readiness to forgive you, tell Him that you are willing to be made willing by His grace. Come to Jesus and seek Him to not only restore your soul by His grace but to make you an instrument of His restoring grace to the glory of Him name.

In your service,
Pastor Marco