Real Friendship
In Genesis 2:18, we learn that aloneness was the first problem in the history of man that God identified. He addressed it by providing a suitable companion in a woman. But it’s important to note that although God instituted marriage between a man and a woman thereafter, marriage is not the only way in which God meets our need for relationship. God didn’t say that remaining unmarried wasn’t good for man. He said, it’s not good for man to be alone. God created man with a need for friendship, relationship, and companionship; first with God, then with others.
According to a study cited in a Forbes article, “there seems to be a cap on the number of friends a person’s brain can handle, and it takes actual social interaction (not virtual) to keep up these friendships. So, feeling like you’re being social by being on Facebook doesn’t work. Since loneliness is linked to myriad health and mental health problems (including early death), getting real social support is important.” -Alice G. Walton
The absence of real friends is detrimental to our physical, emotional and spiritual well-being. So what makes godly friendship so essential and valuable?
A faithful friend is there for you, heart and soul, in the good times and bad.
In 1 Samuel 18:1 we read: “As soon as he had finished speaking to Saul, the soul of Jonathan was knit to the soul of David, and Jonathan loved him as his own soul.” Jonathan and David connected with one another at a heart level. They were more than acquaintances or casual friends. David and Jonathan were intimate friends.
Regarding the varying degrees of friendship, Chuck Swindoll writes: "Acquaintances are people with whom we have [occasional] contact and superficial interaction. Casual friends are people with whom we have more contact, more common interests, and more specific conversations. We may seek the opinion of a casual friend, but there is still a safe distance between us. Close friends are the people with whom we share similar life goals and with whom we discuss the hard questions. We do projects together, exercise together, socialize together, and sometimes even vacation together. Intimate friends are those few people with whom we have regular contact and a deep commitment. We are not only open and vulnerable with these people, we anxiously await their counsel. Intimate friends are just as free to criticize and to correct as they are to embrace and encourage, because trust and mutual understanding has been established between them. All of these levels of friendship are important, but the most important, of course, is the last. Those who have no intimate friends have to be the loneliest people in the world. All of us need at least one person who offers us the shelter of support, encouragement and, yes, even hard truths and confrontation.”
It’s important to note that the friendship of David and Jonathan began at a crucial time in David’s life. In addition to having been anointed by Samuel to be the next king, Saul required David to remain as part of his inner circle of military leaders (1 Sam. 18:2-5). King Saul’s bitterness toward David would eventually cause David to go on the run and flee into the dangerous and difficult wilderness. During this time, Jonathan’s friendship played a key role in encouraging, protecting, and strengthening David’s faith in God.
A faithful friend supports you by helping you find your ultimate strength in God.
After Saul drafted David into his army and did not allow him to return home, we read: “Then Jonathan made a covenant with David, because he loved him as his own soul” (1 Samuel 18:3). Because of what David had to offer him, Saul obligated David to be part of his circle of military leaders. Jonathan, on the other hand, made a covenant with David because he loved him.
The divine love that Jonathan had for David was a devoted love—a love that not only helped David be successful, but encouraged David to find his ultimate strength and satisfaction in God. After Jonathan made a covenant of loving support for David, we read: “And Jonathan stripped himself of the robe that was on him and gave it to David, and his armor, and even his sword and his bow and his belt. And David went out and was successful wherever Saul sent him, so that Saul set him over the men of war” (1 Samuel 18:4-5).
What greatly contributed to David's success was the God sent friendship he had with Jonathan. He was that friend who sticks closer than a brother (Proverbs 18:24). He was selflessly there for David in good times and bad. Later, while David was on the run from Saul, we read in 1 Samuel 23:16: “And Jonathan, Saul's son, rose and went to David at Horesh, and strengthened his hand in God.” When Jonathan died in battle, David expressed that the loving intimacy he shared with Jonathan surpassed the intimacy he had ever experienced with a woman. In his song of lament, David expressed, “I am distressed for you, my brother Jonathan; very pleasant have you been to me; your love to me was extraordinary, surpassing the love of women.” (2 Samuel 1:26)
Since many today cannot separate intimacy from erotic relationships, they conclude that the intimate friendship that David and Jonathan shared was sexual. In his book, Seven Myths About Singleness, Sam Alberry writes: “David’s words about the deep intimacy he enjoyed with Jonathan indicate not that it must have been sexual, but that the sexual relationships he had with the women in his life might have lacked real intimacy. We see the same dynamic today. Hookup culture means that it can be very easy to have sex with someone you barely know. It is a huge error to mistake this for true intimacy. Sexual union is designed to express and deepen intimacy within marriage. It cannot, in and of itself, create it from scratch.
Within all of us is a deep yearning to know and be known. It can sometimes feel as though sex will deliver this. It seems to be a means of exposing who we are to someone else. But divorced from real relationship, sex may be a form of physical intimacy, but only that. It will not provide the deeper intimacy we need in life.
Sexual and romantic relationships are not the only kinds of genuine, life-giving closeness. We need to rediscover a biblical category of intimacy that has been neglected in our cultural context and sadly even in many of our churches, namely friendship.”
To grow in our faith and be all that God called us to be, we need varying degrees of friendship, and especially intimate friendship.
A faithful friend will speak hard truth to you, even at the risk of losing your friendship.
David and Jonathan had a serious disagreement about king Saul, Jonathan’s father. When David shared that he believed his father sought to take his life, Jonathan responded: “Far from it! You shall not die. Behold, my father does nothing either great or small without disclosing it to me. And why should my father hide this from me? It is not so” (1 Samuel 20:2).
We will never cultivate or maintain intimate and life-giving relationships by avoiding the hard and uncomfortable conversations. David shared the concern of his heart with Jonathan about his father. And although at first they did not agree, they graciously and patiently worked out a plan to get to the truth (1 Samuel 20:41-42). Jonathan would later defend David’s integrity before his father at the risk of his own life.
I appreciate Paul Tripp’s observations: “This is God's love for David. This is God's grace in David's life coming to bear in David's life through the vehicle of this godly man who was willing to endanger himself for the sake of the future king. What a beautiful picture of biblical love. Listen, do you esteem the love of the people that God has placed in your life to incarnate His love, to incarnate His wisdom, to incarnate His grace, to incarnate His protection? Do you value the body of Christ? Do you understand that God has many tools in His toolbox? He has many instruments to use, and He surrounds you with His care, His warning, His grace, His protection, His wisdom. We must reject an individualistic ‘Jesus and me’ form of Christianity. God ordains the ministry of His people; God raised up Jonathan for David. God gave this man what he needed at this moment through this remarkable connection.”
After the death of Jonathan, David would go on to have other loyal friends (soldiers). But with very few exceptions, David didn’t have a friend who was willing to disagree with him and hold him accountable. Before David sinned with Bathsheba, there were men around him that knew what he was up to. But nobody said, “David, what are you about to do?” We need friends in our lives who will stand between us and our sin even if it costs them something.
A faithful friend will risk it all to rescue you.
After Jonathan attempted to advocate for his friend David, his father turned his rage toward Jonathan, hurling a spear at him. And although Jonathan knew that his father was determined to put David to death, Jonathan would not forsake his friend. He continued to stand in the gap for David. (1 Samuel 20:30-33).
Do you have an intimate friend like David had in Jonathan? Are you prepared to be that kind of friend? Jonathan was providentially sent by God into David’s life with a loyal love that was from God—a love that was devoted to helping David be successful and fulfill the call of God upon his life. You will never fully know how to be a true friend until you find that there is no better friend than Jesus. Jesus said to His disciples, “This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends.” (John 15:12-13)
Jesus laid down His life for us so that we can receive by faith the forgiveness of sins and a friendship with God that will enable us to love others as Jesus loved us, that will prepare us to be a friend to others like Jesus is a friend to us. Jesus will never walk out on you.
We were created for intimacy. And to experience real and life giving intimacy we must cultivate it. We must talk with God through prayer and the word. We can’t wait to find time; we must make time to cultivate intimacy with God and with one another.
Through the development of meaningful relationships, we can stir one another up to love and good works (Hebrew 10:-24-25) and help one another find our ultimate strength in the soul satisfying friendship of Jesus. He is a friend like no other.
In your service,
Pastor Marco
According to a study cited in a Forbes article, “there seems to be a cap on the number of friends a person’s brain can handle, and it takes actual social interaction (not virtual) to keep up these friendships. So, feeling like you’re being social by being on Facebook doesn’t work. Since loneliness is linked to myriad health and mental health problems (including early death), getting real social support is important.” -Alice G. Walton
The absence of real friends is detrimental to our physical, emotional and spiritual well-being. So what makes godly friendship so essential and valuable?
A faithful friend is there for you, heart and soul, in the good times and bad.
In 1 Samuel 18:1 we read: “As soon as he had finished speaking to Saul, the soul of Jonathan was knit to the soul of David, and Jonathan loved him as his own soul.” Jonathan and David connected with one another at a heart level. They were more than acquaintances or casual friends. David and Jonathan were intimate friends.
Regarding the varying degrees of friendship, Chuck Swindoll writes: "Acquaintances are people with whom we have [occasional] contact and superficial interaction. Casual friends are people with whom we have more contact, more common interests, and more specific conversations. We may seek the opinion of a casual friend, but there is still a safe distance between us. Close friends are the people with whom we share similar life goals and with whom we discuss the hard questions. We do projects together, exercise together, socialize together, and sometimes even vacation together. Intimate friends are those few people with whom we have regular contact and a deep commitment. We are not only open and vulnerable with these people, we anxiously await their counsel. Intimate friends are just as free to criticize and to correct as they are to embrace and encourage, because trust and mutual understanding has been established between them. All of these levels of friendship are important, but the most important, of course, is the last. Those who have no intimate friends have to be the loneliest people in the world. All of us need at least one person who offers us the shelter of support, encouragement and, yes, even hard truths and confrontation.”
It’s important to note that the friendship of David and Jonathan began at a crucial time in David’s life. In addition to having been anointed by Samuel to be the next king, Saul required David to remain as part of his inner circle of military leaders (1 Sam. 18:2-5). King Saul’s bitterness toward David would eventually cause David to go on the run and flee into the dangerous and difficult wilderness. During this time, Jonathan’s friendship played a key role in encouraging, protecting, and strengthening David’s faith in God.
A faithful friend supports you by helping you find your ultimate strength in God.
After Saul drafted David into his army and did not allow him to return home, we read: “Then Jonathan made a covenant with David, because he loved him as his own soul” (1 Samuel 18:3). Because of what David had to offer him, Saul obligated David to be part of his circle of military leaders. Jonathan, on the other hand, made a covenant with David because he loved him.
The divine love that Jonathan had for David was a devoted love—a love that not only helped David be successful, but encouraged David to find his ultimate strength and satisfaction in God. After Jonathan made a covenant of loving support for David, we read: “And Jonathan stripped himself of the robe that was on him and gave it to David, and his armor, and even his sword and his bow and his belt. And David went out and was successful wherever Saul sent him, so that Saul set him over the men of war” (1 Samuel 18:4-5).
What greatly contributed to David's success was the God sent friendship he had with Jonathan. He was that friend who sticks closer than a brother (Proverbs 18:24). He was selflessly there for David in good times and bad. Later, while David was on the run from Saul, we read in 1 Samuel 23:16: “And Jonathan, Saul's son, rose and went to David at Horesh, and strengthened his hand in God.” When Jonathan died in battle, David expressed that the loving intimacy he shared with Jonathan surpassed the intimacy he had ever experienced with a woman. In his song of lament, David expressed, “I am distressed for you, my brother Jonathan; very pleasant have you been to me; your love to me was extraordinary, surpassing the love of women.” (2 Samuel 1:26)
Since many today cannot separate intimacy from erotic relationships, they conclude that the intimate friendship that David and Jonathan shared was sexual. In his book, Seven Myths About Singleness, Sam Alberry writes: “David’s words about the deep intimacy he enjoyed with Jonathan indicate not that it must have been sexual, but that the sexual relationships he had with the women in his life might have lacked real intimacy. We see the same dynamic today. Hookup culture means that it can be very easy to have sex with someone you barely know. It is a huge error to mistake this for true intimacy. Sexual union is designed to express and deepen intimacy within marriage. It cannot, in and of itself, create it from scratch.
Within all of us is a deep yearning to know and be known. It can sometimes feel as though sex will deliver this. It seems to be a means of exposing who we are to someone else. But divorced from real relationship, sex may be a form of physical intimacy, but only that. It will not provide the deeper intimacy we need in life.
Sexual and romantic relationships are not the only kinds of genuine, life-giving closeness. We need to rediscover a biblical category of intimacy that has been neglected in our cultural context and sadly even in many of our churches, namely friendship.”
To grow in our faith and be all that God called us to be, we need varying degrees of friendship, and especially intimate friendship.
A faithful friend will speak hard truth to you, even at the risk of losing your friendship.
David and Jonathan had a serious disagreement about king Saul, Jonathan’s father. When David shared that he believed his father sought to take his life, Jonathan responded: “Far from it! You shall not die. Behold, my father does nothing either great or small without disclosing it to me. And why should my father hide this from me? It is not so” (1 Samuel 20:2).
We will never cultivate or maintain intimate and life-giving relationships by avoiding the hard and uncomfortable conversations. David shared the concern of his heart with Jonathan about his father. And although at first they did not agree, they graciously and patiently worked out a plan to get to the truth (1 Samuel 20:41-42). Jonathan would later defend David’s integrity before his father at the risk of his own life.
I appreciate Paul Tripp’s observations: “This is God's love for David. This is God's grace in David's life coming to bear in David's life through the vehicle of this godly man who was willing to endanger himself for the sake of the future king. What a beautiful picture of biblical love. Listen, do you esteem the love of the people that God has placed in your life to incarnate His love, to incarnate His wisdom, to incarnate His grace, to incarnate His protection? Do you value the body of Christ? Do you understand that God has many tools in His toolbox? He has many instruments to use, and He surrounds you with His care, His warning, His grace, His protection, His wisdom. We must reject an individualistic ‘Jesus and me’ form of Christianity. God ordains the ministry of His people; God raised up Jonathan for David. God gave this man what he needed at this moment through this remarkable connection.”
After the death of Jonathan, David would go on to have other loyal friends (soldiers). But with very few exceptions, David didn’t have a friend who was willing to disagree with him and hold him accountable. Before David sinned with Bathsheba, there were men around him that knew what he was up to. But nobody said, “David, what are you about to do?” We need friends in our lives who will stand between us and our sin even if it costs them something.
A faithful friend will risk it all to rescue you.
After Jonathan attempted to advocate for his friend David, his father turned his rage toward Jonathan, hurling a spear at him. And although Jonathan knew that his father was determined to put David to death, Jonathan would not forsake his friend. He continued to stand in the gap for David. (1 Samuel 20:30-33).
Do you have an intimate friend like David had in Jonathan? Are you prepared to be that kind of friend? Jonathan was providentially sent by God into David’s life with a loyal love that was from God—a love that was devoted to helping David be successful and fulfill the call of God upon his life. You will never fully know how to be a true friend until you find that there is no better friend than Jesus. Jesus said to His disciples, “This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends.” (John 15:12-13)
Jesus laid down His life for us so that we can receive by faith the forgiveness of sins and a friendship with God that will enable us to love others as Jesus loved us, that will prepare us to be a friend to others like Jesus is a friend to us. Jesus will never walk out on you.
We were created for intimacy. And to experience real and life giving intimacy we must cultivate it. We must talk with God through prayer and the word. We can’t wait to find time; we must make time to cultivate intimacy with God and with one another.
Through the development of meaningful relationships, we can stir one another up to love and good works (Hebrew 10:-24-25) and help one another find our ultimate strength in the soul satisfying friendship of Jesus. He is a friend like no other.
In your service,
Pastor Marco