Bitter People Hurt People
When describing someone with a serious heart condition a person might say that they’re a "ticking time bomb."
Without timely intervention, serious heart conditions can lead to death or long-term disability.” (Source)
I want to suggest to you that there are also some spiritual conditions of the heart that if left untreated, can manifest themselves in explosive and detrimental ways. One of those diseases of the heart is bitterness.
Bitterness is described in Hebrews 12:15 as a root. The author writes: “See to it that no one fails to obtain the grace of God; that no root of bitterness springs up and causes trouble, and by it many become defiled;”
Before a root begins to grow, a seed must be planted. The seed of bitterness is a hurt. When the hurts, wounds, or pains in our hearts are not healed by the grace of God, they can turn into bitterness. There's a difference between the root and the fruit. Although one can more readily identify the fruits of bitterness, it’s not as easy to detect the root of bitterness.
While David was still on the run from King Saul, God’s word records:
If you have love in your heart for people, you will grieve their loss. Grief is the cost of love. In fact, we grieve the most for those we love the most. Grief is a part of life that we must all learn to process by the grace of God. The grace of God helps us not to get over it but to get through it.
Although grief is a normal part of life, if we are not careful, it can turn into bitterness. We clearly see this happen in this account in the life of David. In first Samuel 30, David, who was running from Saul, had taken refuge among the Philistines along with 600 of his loyal men and their families.
While David was living among the Philistines, they went to battle against Israel and David and his men went with them. On the way to fight against Israel, the Philistines decided they couldn’t trust David. So they sent David and his men back home. And on the way back, they found that their village had been invaded by the Amalekites, who burned it down and also took the women and children captive.
When David and his men discovered that their wives and children were taken captive, they wept until they had no more strength to weep. Grief is a normal response to a situation like this. But if we are not careful, our grief can turned into bitterness. And a bitter heart sometimes looks for someone to blame for the hurt. This happened to David’s men.
Moreover, when their grief turned to bitterness they not only blamed David, but they wanted to stone him. This helps us to define and describe what bitterness is. Bitterness is a condition of the heart that harbors hostility, ill will, or resentment.
According to Hebrews 12:15, when bitterness springs up in you, it will not only trouble you, but it can defile those around you. It's been said, misery loves company. But it is also true that although pain is inevitable, misery is optional.
In our pain, the enemy wants us to turn against those around us, but God desires that we turn to Him. God allows painful circumstances to make us better, the devil wants to make us bitter.
Do you suffer from a root of bitterness? Remember that a root is underground. It’s hard to detect the root of bitterness, which we can easily justify and rationalize. But we can more readily identify the fruit of bitterness.
To help us detect a root of bitterness, one Pastor identified, the following symptoms. When a person who has offended, criticized, or hurt you in some way walks into a room, how do you respond?
If you have any of these symptoms, it’s likely that a root of bitterness has sprung up in your heart and needs be eradicated.
It’s been said, "bitterness is the poison you drink expecting someone else to die." As we noted already, David's loyal supporters experienced deep grief, which turned into bitterness. Bitterness, which starts off as a seed of a hurt, looks for someone to blame.
David’s men not only blamed their leader, they also became hostile toward him. On the other hand, David in his grief didn’t turn against his men. Instead, he turned to God and strengthened himself before His transforming presence. In his great grief and distress, David turned away from His circumstances and turned His face to God.
"But David strengthened himself in the Lord his God.” (1 Samuel 30:6b)
David strengthened himself in the Lord, meaning that he got his eyes back on God. As He sought the Lord, he began to see God again as he had in earlier days. When David faltered in his faith he allowed his circumstances to obstruct his view of God. He was at his best when he viewed his circumstance through the lens of God’s greatness and steadfast love.
In his book, The Making of a Man of God, Alan Redpath noted: "First [David] was looking at his enemies and these supposed friends of his, but now he sees them through God. If you begin with God, your enemies grow small. If you begin with your enemy, you may never reach God. If you begin with God, the problems begin to dwindle; if you begin with the problems, you never get through to God.”
David was at the end of his rope, but rather than turning on others, he turned to God and strengthened himself in the Lord (Psalm 18:1-5). Because David was restored by the grace of God in the presence of God, he arose from his time with God as an instrument not of revenge but of restoration. Later he became an advocate for his men who were turning on each-other (v.23).
What is a vital sign that you have been restored by the grace and forgiveness of the Lord? When you’ve been restored by God’s grace, you will be quick to extend grace and forgiveness to others (Ephesians 4:31-32). Depending on the offense, extending forgiveness can be very challenging at times. However, when you’re finding it hard to be willing to forgive, experiencing the transforming grace of God, will make you willing to be made willing.
In a book by Don Whitney titled Ten Questions to Diagnose Your Spiritual Health, he asked the diagnostic question: Are you a quicker forgiver? Moreover, he writes, “The testimony of Martyn Lloyd Jones should be the heart cry of every Christian: ‘I say to the glory of God and in utter humility that whenever I see myself before God and realize even something of what my blessed Lord has done for me, I am ready to forgive anybody anything.’ Notice the phrase, ‘I am ready to forgive anybody anything.’ Many do not understand the difference between being ready to forgive and actually extending or expressing forgiveness...Perhaps it will help to think of forgiveness as consisting of two parts, inward forgiveness and outward forgiveness or forgiveness with the heart and forgiveness with the mouth. Inward heart forgiveness is always required of the Christian. But the Bible does not demand outward verbal forgiveness unless the one who sins against us seeks our forgiveness. When someone sins against a Christian there are two parties involved and both have a responsibility to resolve the matter. The role of the Christian is to be ready to forgive and to act in such a way that demonstrates his readiness.”
As David turned his face to the Lord he began to seek God’s word and will for his life again (1 Samuel 30:7-8). David was going back to God’s word so that he would once again be led by God and not his feelings. And by seeking the Lord again, David was not only restored by God’s grace, he also became an instrument of restoration. As a result, David and his men, with the help of God, took back what the enemy had stolen. What a powerful means of grace it is when those closest to us are close to Jesus.
Beloved, avoid making decisions in life when you’re seething with anger, deeply discouraged, or filled with bitterness. Get alone with God first. Worship Him in prayer and in the word. Get close to people who are close to Jesus. He will restore you and lead you in the path that you should go.
Give God your brokenness and bitterness. Ask Him to heal your wounds in His love, forgive your compromises, and eradicate the poison of bitterness. Express to Him your readiness to forgive as God for Christ's sake has forgiven you.
If you’re struggling with being willing to forgive, in view of the cross of Jesus and God’s constant willingness and readiness to forgive you, tell Him that you are willing to be made willing. Come to Jesus and seek Him to not only restore your soul by His grace but to make you an instrument of His restoring grace to the glory of Him name.
In His service,
Pastor Marco
Without timely intervention, serious heart conditions can lead to death or long-term disability.” (Source)
I want to suggest to you that there are also some spiritual conditions of the heart that if left untreated, can manifest themselves in explosive and detrimental ways. One of those diseases of the heart is bitterness.
Bitterness is described in Hebrews 12:15 as a root. The author writes: “See to it that no one fails to obtain the grace of God; that no root of bitterness springs up and causes trouble, and by it many become defiled;”
Before a root begins to grow, a seed must be planted. The seed of bitterness is a hurt. When the hurts, wounds, or pains in our hearts are not healed by the grace of God, they can turn into bitterness. There's a difference between the root and the fruit. Although one can more readily identify the fruits of bitterness, it’s not as easy to detect the root of bitterness.
While David was still on the run from King Saul, God’s word records:
"And when David and his men came to the city, they found it burned with fire, and their wives and sons and daughters taken captive. Then David and the people who were with him raised their voices and wept until they had no more strength to weep. David’s two wives also had been taken captive, Ahinoam of Jezreel and Abigail the widow of Nabal of Carmel. And David was greatly distressed, for the people spoke of stoning him, because all the people were bitter in soul, each for his sons and daughters." 1 Samuel 30:3-6a
Although grief is a normal part of life, if we are not careful, it can turn into bitterness. We clearly see this happen in this account in the life of David. In first Samuel 30, David, who was running from Saul, had taken refuge among the Philistines along with 600 of his loyal men and their families.
While David was living among the Philistines, they went to battle against Israel and David and his men went with them. On the way to fight against Israel, the Philistines decided they couldn’t trust David. So they sent David and his men back home. And on the way back, they found that their village had been invaded by the Amalekites, who burned it down and also took the women and children captive.
When David and his men discovered that their wives and children were taken captive, they wept until they had no more strength to weep. Grief is a normal response to a situation like this. But if we are not careful, our grief can turned into bitterness. And a bitter heart sometimes looks for someone to blame for the hurt. This happened to David’s men.
Moreover, when their grief turned to bitterness they not only blamed David, but they wanted to stone him. This helps us to define and describe what bitterness is. Bitterness is a condition of the heart that harbors hostility, ill will, or resentment.
According to Hebrews 12:15, when bitterness springs up in you, it will not only trouble you, but it can defile those around you. It's been said, misery loves company. But it is also true that although pain is inevitable, misery is optional.
In our pain, the enemy wants us to turn against those around us, but God desires that we turn to Him. God allows painful circumstances to make us better, the devil wants to make us bitter.
Do you suffer from a root of bitterness? Remember that a root is underground. It’s hard to detect the root of bitterness, which we can easily justify and rationalize. But we can more readily identify the fruit of bitterness.
To help us detect a root of bitterness, one Pastor identified, the following symptoms. When a person who has offended, criticized, or hurt you in some way walks into a room, how do you respond?
- Do negative feelings immediately overcome you causing you to put on a hypocritical happy face?
- Do you intentionally turn away to ignore and avoid him or her?
- Does the mere mention of his or her name leave a “bitter taste in your mouth?”
- Does thinking about him or her “make you sick”–give you a bitter stomach?
- Do you have a similar negative reaction when you just hear his or her name mentioned?
- Do you resent his or her success–hearing any good report about him or her?
- Do you secretly desire misfortune or failure–or worse–to come his or her way?
- Does the person who offended or hurt you come to mind often?
- Do you mentally argue with them–i.e. dream or daydream about “putting him or her in their place?”
- Do you feel the need or do you see a tendency to talk to others about the failures or shortcomings of those who have hurt or offended you?
If you have any of these symptoms, it’s likely that a root of bitterness has sprung up in your heart and needs be eradicated.
It’s been said, "bitterness is the poison you drink expecting someone else to die." As we noted already, David's loyal supporters experienced deep grief, which turned into bitterness. Bitterness, which starts off as a seed of a hurt, looks for someone to blame.
David’s men not only blamed their leader, they also became hostile toward him. On the other hand, David in his grief didn’t turn against his men. Instead, he turned to God and strengthened himself before His transforming presence. In his great grief and distress, David turned away from His circumstances and turned His face to God.
"But David strengthened himself in the Lord his God.” (1 Samuel 30:6b)
David strengthened himself in the Lord, meaning that he got his eyes back on God. As He sought the Lord, he began to see God again as he had in earlier days. When David faltered in his faith he allowed his circumstances to obstruct his view of God. He was at his best when he viewed his circumstance through the lens of God’s greatness and steadfast love.
In his book, The Making of a Man of God, Alan Redpath noted: "First [David] was looking at his enemies and these supposed friends of his, but now he sees them through God. If you begin with God, your enemies grow small. If you begin with your enemy, you may never reach God. If you begin with God, the problems begin to dwindle; if you begin with the problems, you never get through to God.”
David was at the end of his rope, but rather than turning on others, he turned to God and strengthened himself in the Lord (Psalm 18:1-5). Because David was restored by the grace of God in the presence of God, he arose from his time with God as an instrument not of revenge but of restoration. Later he became an advocate for his men who were turning on each-other (v.23).
What is a vital sign that you have been restored by the grace and forgiveness of the Lord? When you’ve been restored by God’s grace, you will be quick to extend grace and forgiveness to others (Ephesians 4:31-32). Depending on the offense, extending forgiveness can be very challenging at times. However, when you’re finding it hard to be willing to forgive, experiencing the transforming grace of God, will make you willing to be made willing.
In a book by Don Whitney titled Ten Questions to Diagnose Your Spiritual Health, he asked the diagnostic question: Are you a quicker forgiver? Moreover, he writes, “The testimony of Martyn Lloyd Jones should be the heart cry of every Christian: ‘I say to the glory of God and in utter humility that whenever I see myself before God and realize even something of what my blessed Lord has done for me, I am ready to forgive anybody anything.’ Notice the phrase, ‘I am ready to forgive anybody anything.’ Many do not understand the difference between being ready to forgive and actually extending or expressing forgiveness...Perhaps it will help to think of forgiveness as consisting of two parts, inward forgiveness and outward forgiveness or forgiveness with the heart and forgiveness with the mouth. Inward heart forgiveness is always required of the Christian. But the Bible does not demand outward verbal forgiveness unless the one who sins against us seeks our forgiveness. When someone sins against a Christian there are two parties involved and both have a responsibility to resolve the matter. The role of the Christian is to be ready to forgive and to act in such a way that demonstrates his readiness.”
As David turned his face to the Lord he began to seek God’s word and will for his life again (1 Samuel 30:7-8). David was going back to God’s word so that he would once again be led by God and not his feelings. And by seeking the Lord again, David was not only restored by God’s grace, he also became an instrument of restoration. As a result, David and his men, with the help of God, took back what the enemy had stolen. What a powerful means of grace it is when those closest to us are close to Jesus.
Beloved, avoid making decisions in life when you’re seething with anger, deeply discouraged, or filled with bitterness. Get alone with God first. Worship Him in prayer and in the word. Get close to people who are close to Jesus. He will restore you and lead you in the path that you should go.
Give God your brokenness and bitterness. Ask Him to heal your wounds in His love, forgive your compromises, and eradicate the poison of bitterness. Express to Him your readiness to forgive as God for Christ's sake has forgiven you.
If you’re struggling with being willing to forgive, in view of the cross of Jesus and God’s constant willingness and readiness to forgive you, tell Him that you are willing to be made willing. Come to Jesus and seek Him to not only restore your soul by His grace but to make you an instrument of His restoring grace to the glory of Him name.
In His service,
Pastor Marco